Authenticity Anxiety : Part One
After a year long sabbatical, I decided it was time to focus my energy towards a career aligned with my personal values as well as my authenticity. By honestly evaluating the many ups and downs of my professional life, I recognized a number of patterns that dictated the success or failure of those outcomes. Ultimately, there are circumstances that remained out of my control, but there dually exists a myriad of ways I could have prevented and protected myself from the excessive damages I’ve incurred over the years. Conversely, my greatest wins came from listening to the quiet voice that tirelessly encourages me to create, simply for the love of expression.
I’ve experienced conventional success in a number of different industries; graphic design, illustration, tattoo, and fine art, but no individual arena or singular project ever fully expressed the authentic voice I was so desperate to share. On the outside it may have looked like an upward trajectory of career growth and development, but inside I felt like an imposter conning everyone into believing I was a serious artist. I needed some way to gently push myself out of a well curated comfort zone, and my social media accounts were the most damning evidence of the rhythmic complacency I had strategically disguised as public professionalism.
I realized the only path forward was to focus on work that felt meaningful, and I would start by making social media fun again by maintaining a conversation with my public community free from the burden of expectation, likes, views, or conversions. I was sick of the pageantry of perfectionism and obsessing over clients, scheduling, commissions, or freelance work. My public persona was stale and I dreaded opening up any social media app to do the work I knew I needed to accomplish as a solo-preneur, but the harder I tried to force marketing obligations, the more I found myself disappearing from the virtual world and the real world. I had to try something radically different, so I decided to experiment without a script, without a goal, without a plan.
What if I started sharing more of my unfiltered self with my community in order to escape the unrealistic, perfectionistic, and one-dimensional professional personal I had constructed to shroud my true nature? No longer choosing to hide behind a polished wall of completed work, but showcasing a holistic process of my life as an artist ever-developing. The triumphs, the tribulations, and the trivialities. Could this gentle shift in perception open up my worldview and guide me toward a future beset in meaningful fulfillment rather than transactional accomplishments?
This healing sabbatical reminded me that I am a human making the best out of every situation, and not a content machine desperately seeking approval from invisible monsters. In the future, there will be more times when I feel overwhelmed and utterly helpless, but there will also be more times when I feel confident and sublimely powerful. The journey will either end by my hands or the hands of fate, and so long as I am alive I can choose to remain grateful for the privilege of having options within reach of my fingertips.
Go on. Leave. Take only what you need. The Aether tote bag will help you carry the most precious and important things into the next chapter of your life and beyond.
• 100% Spun Polyester Fabric
• Handles Made From 100% Cotton Denim
• Bag Size: 15″ × 15″
• Maximum Weight Limit: 44 Lbs
• Hypoallergenic Magical Forcefield
• Does not magnify strength according to the laws of physics.